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It'd be one thing if I didn't have enough money to run out today and get a new stereo, but it's something else completely when I have to think twice about running out and renting a movie. Why this hesitation? Simple. Because I'm low on cash, real low.
I don't know what it is about being in college, but suddenly I find I don't have any money anymore. And what's more of a mystery is that I have no idea what I spend it on! It's not as if my schedule's very complicated. I wake up, study, party, and go back to sleep. Repeat many times. Sounds pretty low budget, right? I thought so too, but apparently there must be some monster under my bed that steals money out of my wallet in the middle of the night. Or maybe that's just my roommate.
Now, luckily I've devised of a system whereby you can live day to day in a happy, and more importantly, inexpensive manner. If there's a money monster living under your bed as well, it would do you well to listen up.
First, one problem you're going to encounter is food. Get over it; time to lower your standards. Now, if you're used to dining hall food, then it's really not an issue for you and I wish you the best of luck. However, if you're like me, then there are certain depths to which you simply won't allow yourself to sink. Instead, consider this, Gumby's pizza. This stuff is amazing! Cheap, big, and with hints of pizza flavor, it can sustain life indefinitely. Some neighbors of mine actually ate nothing but Gumby's pizza for two weeks straight! Not that they were looking good at the end of those two weeks, but you know. If you are at one of those few, unfortunate campuses that do not have a Gumby's pizza, I feel truly sorry for you, and as an alternative I'm going to have to recommend munching on rocks, grass, and the occasional stray rodent, and at that point you might as well go back to the dining hall.
Secondly, dates. Now this one's really tricky. If you're female, maybe you can get out of this by getting guys to pay for you, but I can tell you right now that I don't know any girls standing in line to pay for me. The key here is budgeting, and if you're clever, you actually don't have to spend much at all! First, plan ahead. Do you really like this person? Is this date the result of some stupid thing you said or your inability to say no? Are you ever going to see this person again? Think about your answers, and consider. If this date is in fact more of a curse than a blessing, than I have the strategy for you! When leaving on the date, leave your money at home, and that includes credit cards. When the dinner bill comes, oops, no money! This will kill two birds with one stone. First of all, you won't spend any of your precious cash on a date you didn't even want to go on in the first place, and secondly, if you're obnoxious enough as well, this person will never bother you again. Okay, yeah, you'll feel like a jerk afterwards, but you have to get passed that. These are lean times my friend! You've gotta conserve. If this is someone you do in fact enjoy spending time with, then you simply have to take yourself out of the money-spending mentality. Think parks, picnics, and walks. You'd be surprised. The romance factor here can actually outdo anything that you could've done with money. If you're in neither of the above categories, then you probably know the answer to cheap dates already: Frat or House party hook-up. These are as cheap and as easy as it gets.
Last, but certainly not least, bills. My strategy? Don't pay 'em. At least until you have to. For example, my phone bill will sit around for a couple of months until the phone company takes my service away. Then, and only because I NEED my phone, I'll reluctantly pay my bills and get my service reactivated. This may seem like a lot of hassle, and it probably is, but you're going to find that that extra cash does you a lot of good in the short run.
Man, I don't know what Puff Daddy was talking about, but I've got No Money, Mo' Problems.
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